Jokes N Stuff!

[Smart_Guy]

Scientists wanted to make an experiment and find out what an American, a Japanese and a Saudi brains look like.

Sample 1, an American man:
They opened his skull up and found a high-end computer.

Sample 2, a Japanese man:
... opened his skull and found a floating microchip.

Sample 3, a Saudi man:
... opened his skull and found nothing but a thread hanging all the way from the left side to the right side of the brain cavity. What is this, they wondered. How about we cut it and see what happens, one suggested. They cut the thread and his ears fell off.

 

[iPwn]

^

+1 Doesn't matter who you are, that's funny!

 

[Draygoes]

Totally agree!

 

[Smart_Guy]

Well at least now I know what's holding my ears up

 

[BikerEcho]

Haha. I have heard that joke before. However It was aimed at blonde woman instead of Saudi Arabians.

 

[Smart_Guy]

Haha. I have heard that joke before. However It was aimed at blonde woman instead of Saudi Arabians.

I see some blonde jokes coming

---------- Post added at 12:47 PM ---------- Previous post was at 12:44 PM ----------

Wait, there was one already:

Brunette: please call me a cab.

Blonde: you're a cab.

Brunette: *face palm* I can't blame you. It's in your genes.

Blonde: *searches in the pockets of her jeans pants and says there is nothing in her Jeans*

 

[Draygoes]

I actually opened with two blond jokes when this thread started, but as far as blond jokes go, this will always have a place close to me heart.

An old blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake...
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl with a 'Billy-Club'.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
'Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy.... Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times............'

 

[Draygoes]

A DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas, and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher says, "Okay, but don't go in that field over there," as he points out the location.

The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. "See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish . On any land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand? "

A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull.

With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get gored before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified. The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs .

"Your badge. Show him your BADGE!"

 

[~mr mixx~]

Nice one guys....those are awesome !!

Cop: Did you know drinking and driving is aganist the law?
Me: Then why is there parking lots at the bar?
(cop is speachless)

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How guys propose: On one knee.
How girls propose: "I'm pregnant!"

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I like how the Ninja Turtles wear masks. Good way to hide your identity. I mean, its not like your a giant f-----g turtle or anything.

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I was driving earlier and some woman pulled out in front of me. Then I saw that she was texting and driving. I was so mad that I threw my beer at her!

 

[Smart_Guy]

An Englishman went to USA and crossed a two-way street looking at the right side which made him not notice a car coming. The driver managed to hit the breaks early but still hit the Englishman lightly and put him down non injured.

The driver got off the car, checked on him, found him fine and asked him noticing he was an Englishman and asked him: "bro, did you come here all the way from the UK to die?", the English man replied back to him: "no mate, I came he yesterday".

Got it? "to die" as in the British "today" and yesterday as in "yus-tuh-die"?

I like how the Ninja Turtles wear masks. Good way to hide your identity. I mean, its not like your a giant f----g turtle or anything.

You just said the F word