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foothead
Omnicide now.
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Yeah. I think they're ashamed of being related to me, so they try to hide me from everyone else to spare them from the same feeling. I don't think it even occurred to them that other people might feel different. The worst thing is that they're probably right in this case. My experience is that about 90% of people want nothing to do with me once they know the truth. Honestly, I don't see why people even care. So I'm trans. Why does it matter to anybody else? Everyone acts like I just confessed to murder when they find out. As if it wasn't miserable enough on its own...
Oh, my mother's side, which we've been discussing, is actually far less bad than my father's. He took the approach of treating me like shit in some sort of attempt to make me change my mind. I finally decided to cut him off after he kept accusing me of being raped and saying he should have beaten it out of me as a child. Oh, and there's my brother who just pretends I don't exist. He spent a year or so physically shielding his eyes from the sight of me whenever I'd enter the same room. Now he just gets out of there as fast as possible.
Anyway, I'm starting to rant, so I'll just leave this post at that. Thanks for letting me vent some, it's actually pretty helpful.
Oh, my mother's side, which we've been discussing, is actually far less bad than my father's. He took the approach of treating me like shit in some sort of attempt to make me change my mind. I finally decided to cut him off after he kept accusing me of being raped and saying he should have beaten it out of me as a child. Oh, and there's my brother who just pretends I don't exist. He spent a year or so physically shielding his eyes from the sight of me whenever I'd enter the same room. Now he just gets out of there as fast as possible.
Anyway, I'm starting to rant, so I'll just leave this post at that. Thanks for letting me vent some, it's actually pretty helpful.
foothead
I have known you from CF since I was working in Baton Rouge. In that time I have pieced together a picture of some one looking for themselves. In more recent times I came to the conclusion that you finally did find who you are and who you want to be.
But I also pieced together that in doing so you find yourself in a firestorm of emotions and controversy. This is where your belief in who you are will be tested.
Others around you may not understand and in their ignorance lash out and be hurtful. Be patient with them. They have their own feelings and perspectives to deal with.
The path you have chosen to go down will not be an easy one for certain. Be strong. Hold your head up and be proud of yourself. For in the end it is yourself you have to live with. Not them...
I have known you from CF since I was working in Baton Rouge. In that time I have pieced together a picture of some one looking for themselves. In more recent times I came to the conclusion that you finally did find who you are and who you want to be.
But I also pieced together that in doing so you find yourself in a firestorm of emotions and controversy. This is where your belief in who you are will be tested.
Others around you may not understand and in their ignorance lash out and be hurtful. Be patient with them. They have their own feelings and perspectives to deal with.
The path you have chosen to go down will not be an easy one for certain. Be strong. Hold your head up and be proud of yourself. For in the end it is yourself you have to live with. Not them...
foothead
Omnicide now.
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- My own personal hell
Wow, thank you for that. I've been feeling kinda discouraged lately, and this actually helped quite a bit.
Ha, I'm okay now. I was just feeling particularly crappy last night.
I come from a (geographically confined) prominent and wealthy family.
At 17, I was disowned because I challenged the religious beliefs. Going from the privileged/sheltered life to surviving the world alone with no knowledge of life.
I worked two jobs to graduate high school. I slept on park benches in downtown L.A. and begged for food.
I have been on my own for 11 years now with no regrets. If my family is ashamed of me because of my beliefs, that's their own problem. I hear they're going through some tough times whereas I am doing quite well these days. The sad part is, my parents need help and need only ask. They refuse to ask because I believe God has a mustache and they believe he shaves (metaphorically). I have come to the conclusion that they cannot accept the difference of belief and I shall not worry myself with their challenges until such a time as they can accept mine. Not believe them, just not hate me for them. I have not spoken to my parents for more than 30 total minutes in the last decade. They have never seen their grandchildren and don't even know my two year old exists.
You can't hold it against someone else because who you are doesn't sit well with them. Extend the olive branch, but don't be surprised if they refuse or even burn it. You tried, they couldn't change. Life goes on.
It's a shitty way of looking at the relationship with your family, and mine is probably near a polar end, but I have simply found that nothing I have tried to do to mend that relationship (short of converting) is going to change their attitude or treatment of me. So, I stopped losing sleep over their stubborn ignorance, and have been doing exceptionally well in life ever since. I imagine that you'll go far in life foothead, you just need to recognize that if something is dragging you down, you typically remove the chain. Not saying you have to discard it, but don't let it affect your progression through life.
Well iPwn you have worked your way from having a shit life to a really good one that you have worked hard for and you went off believing in what you thought was right and you parents didn't accept that, We all have different views in life and not everyone can agree with everybody else..
foothead
Omnicide now.
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Wow, iPwn. Thanks for sharing that. Sounds like you've been through a lot. I definitely get what you're saying about moving on if people aren't willing to change, it's just not so easy for me. I've kinda been thinking about trying to talk to everyone i've had to cut off, if nothing else so i can feel some closure. Right now I keep doubting myself, thinking maybe they could have changed their minds if I just gave them more time or said something different. Perhaps laying things out and letting them decide for themselves will be better.
The owners rep came by yesterday. Talk about heart in mouth. She's a nice lady but when it comes to the job she's all business. Off the job is a different story. Quite the character indeed.
She looked at the rooms and said over all the place has improved but still the little stuff was getting by us. She made a list for me and for the most part it's the age of the property type stuff. I had to let one of my housekeeper's go though. I looked at the room that did her in and let's just say it wasn't done right. Not even close.
But I finally got to sit the rep down and have a serious talk with her. Got a lot ironed out. She left this morning In a decent mood. I still run the place so she must have been pleased with something.
She looked at the rooms and said over all the place has improved but still the little stuff was getting by us. She made a list for me and for the most part it's the age of the property type stuff. I had to let one of my housekeeper's go though. I looked at the room that did her in and let's just say it wasn't done right. Not even close.
But I finally got to sit the rep down and have a serious talk with her. Got a lot ironed out. She left this morning In a decent mood. I still run the place so she must have been pleased with something.
It's not easy because you're still kind of young, and please don't get from what I posted that you need to simply cut ties or discard value for your family. I've just learned very brutally that I cannot change someone else's perception of me, and love is not always unconditional. In the business world, I manage my external perception very carefully, but only by hiding my personal beliefs on sensitive subjects and who I really am. In the family unit, all your cards are on the table, so there's nothing you can really do to manage the flow of information. You can't "Fox News" yourself to your family, because they know you, the real you.
If they cannot accept you; it hurts. You always wonder what the hell you did or how you could've done things differently. My advice is to not ask those questions or lose sleep over them. You can never ascertain the answer on your own and continually asking yourself that destroys your own self worth. If you ask them those questions, and they answer honestly, you're not going to like what you hear. It won't be behavior or fact based. It will be some view of how things are supposed to be that will differ from yours or reality in general. Don't get choked up about it. Simply smile, nod, and change the subject or be on your way.
There are 2 (of 7 immediate) family members that I can at least have a conversation with. We talk until religion or God is brought up and I excuse myself from the conversation for another year or so. I haven't discarded them, and I miss them very much and make efforts every now and then to connect, but they have given the scarlet letter based on a belief system. I cannot change that; so I will walk the fine line of staying in touch - at arms length, so to speak.
Well... the value of knowing why may be worth the pain of hearing the answer. Just know that when you have that discussion, when you 'put things out on the table', the answer you get will be convoluted with things unrelated to the reason. Listen carefully to their response and try to weed through the fluff. It's probably going to be painful, but remain objective in your listening and interpretation.
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Those are always the most brutal conversations IMO. You never know how the other party will react and it's especially brutal when they have power over your well-being. I've had some pretty candid conversations with positions of authority in my day. Some went better than expected, and a few had me looking for work.
Glad to hear things are going well my friend.
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