Feedback

hemp

Daemon Poster
Messages
1,304
This assignment for English was to find a poem you like and bring it in, I decided to just write my own. Tell me what you guys think and how I can improve it.

Computers come big and small
Some for lan, some for all
faster processor, more speed
more ram, but that's not all you need
dual screen, dual boot
seven proxies, to be like moot
bigger hard drives, more space
just to win the computing race
which motherboard to use
pick the wrong one and you may lose
fanboys rooting on their brand
always thinking that their idea is grand
Anonymous terrorizing you
because that's what they like to do
just when you think you're done
six months later upgrades have just begun

This was written pretty quick so any criticism would be appreciated. Thanks guys.
 
That's pretty cool. Do you have to read it for the class?

This reminds me of the poem Kumar did in Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay.
 
Lol now that I think about it it does remind me of that poem. I haven't been told if we are reading the poems, but I felt like writing my own instead of just using someone else's.
 
I thought it was really good, it didn't seem that flowing. But that's just because I read it straight in through! +1
 
Lol I was going to write one about either WoW or 4chan just as a joke, but decided that I might as well make it some what serious, but try and have a little fun with it. For about 5 minutes of work I think it is acceptable.
 
Back
Top Bottom