Jokes thread #2

[Raffaz]

Adam



Adam said,
'Lord, what do You
Want me to do?'

God said, 'Go down
Into that valley.'

Adam said, 'What's a Valley?'

God explained it to
Him.

Then God said,
'Cross the river.'

Adam said, 'What's a River?'

God explained that
To him, and then said,
'Go over to the hill....'

Adam said, 'What is a
Hill?'

So, God explained to
Adam what a hill was.

He told Adam, 'On
The other side of the
Hill you will find a
Cave.'

Adam said, 'What's a
Cave?'

After God explained,
He said, 'In the cave
You will find a woman.'

Adam said, 'What's a Woman?'

So God explained
That to him, too.

Then, God said, 'I
Want you to
Reproduce.'

Adam said, 'How do
I do that?'

God first said (under His breath), 'Geez.....'
And then, just like Everything else, God Explained that to
Adam, as well.

So, Adam goes down
Into the valley,

Across the river, and
Over the hill, into the
Cave, and finds the
Woman..

Then, in about five Minutes, he was back.
God, His patience
Wearing thin, said
Angrily, 'What is it
Now?'

And Adam said....











YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE THIS!!!!!!
*

*

*

*

*
'What's a headache?'

Milkmen


Real Notes to British Milkmen collected by Express Dairies


* Dear Milkman, I've just had a baby, please leave another one.

* Cancel one pint after the day after today.

* Please don't leave any more milk. All they do is drink it.

* Milkman, please close the gate behind you because the birds keep pecking the tops off the milk.

* Sorry about yesterday's note. I didn't mean one egg and a dozen pints,but the other way round.

* When you leave my milk knock on my bedroom window and wake me because I want you to give me a hand to turn the mattress.

* Please knock. My TV's broken down and I missed last night's Coronation Street. If you saw it, will you tell me what happened over a cup of tea.

* Please send me a form for cheap milk, for I have a baby two months old and did not know about it until a neighbour told me.

* From now on please leave two pints every other day and one pint on the days in between, except Wednesdays and Saturdays when I don't want any milk.

* Please leave no milk today. When I say today, I mean tomorrow, for I wrote this note yesterday.

* When you leave the milk please put the coal on the boiler, let dog out and put newspaper inside the screen door. PS. Don't leave any milk.

* No milk. Please do not leave milk at No. 14 either as he is dead until further notice.

 

[ghostFL]

Adam



Adam said,
'Lord, what do You
Want me to do?'

God said, 'Go down
Into that valley.'

Adam said, 'What's a Valley?'

God explained it to
Him.

Then God said,
'Cross the river.'

Adam said, 'What's a River?'

God explained that
To him, and then said,
'Go over to the hill....'

Adam said, 'What is a
Hill?'

So, God explained to
Adam what a hill was.

He told Adam, 'On
The other side of the
Hill you will find a
Cave.'

Adam said, 'What's a
Cave?'

After God explained,
He said, 'In the cave
You will find a woman.'

Adam said, 'What's a Woman?'

So God explained
That to him, too.

Then, God said, 'I
Want you to
Reproduce.'

Adam said, 'How do
I do that?'

God first said (under His breath), 'Geez.....'
And then, just like Everything else, God Explained that to
Adam, as well.

So, Adam goes down
Into the valley,

Across the river, and
Over the hill, into the
Cave, and finds the
Woman..

Then, in about five Minutes, he was back.
God, His patience
Wearing thin, said
Angrily, 'What is it
Now?'

And Adam said....











YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE THIS!!!!!!
*

*

*

*

*
'What's a headache?'

Milkmen


Real Notes to British Milkmen collected by Express Dairies


* Dear Milkman, I've just had a baby, please leave another one.

* Cancel one pint after the day after today.

* Please don't leave any more milk. All they do is drink it.

* Milkman, please close the gate behind you because the birds keep pecking the tops off the milk.

* Sorry about yesterday's note. I didn't mean one egg and a dozen pints,but the other way round.

* When you leave my milk knock on my bedroom window and wake me because I want you to give me a hand to turn the mattress.

* Please knock. My TV's broken down and I missed last night's Coronation Street. If you saw it, will you tell me what happened over a cup of tea.

* Please send me a form for cheap milk, for I have a baby two months old and did not know about it until a neighbour told me.

* From now on please leave two pints every other day and one pint on the days in between, except Wednesdays and Saturdays when I don't want any milk.

* Please leave no milk today. When I say today, I mean tomorrow, for I wrote this note yesterday.

* When you leave the milk please put the coal on the boiler, let dog out and put newspaper inside the screen door. PS. Don't leave any milk.

* No milk. Please do not leave milk at No. 14 either as he is dead until further notice.

.... Who the f*ck uses a milkman anymore?????

 

[BrynF_UK]

We do?

 

[JogaBonito1502]

So a blond is driving a BMW and she crashes it. Pretty bad. After the police arrives, the cop comes up to her and asks for license and registration. For both questions she asks why she needs it, and then says she doesn't have it. She keeps asking if her car will be fixed. The cop, irritated, takes her to the exhaust on the back, and tells her to blow on it. Doing that, he says, the car will straighten out all the bends. A couple hours later, another blond woman sees the blond girl blowing on the exhaust pipe. She asks what the girl is doing. The girl replies that she is fixing her car. Then the blond woman that walked by says, "You dummy! Your not going to fix it like that! Your windows are open!"

---------------------------------------------------------------

A blond walks over to a computer store and asks the clerk:

-Do you have blinds for computers?

The clerk replies:

-No we don't. Why do you need such a thing?

The blond replies:

-Well I just got windows on my computer yesterday....