Jokes thread #2

[Dark Night]

Ok there was a blond wanting some extra cash. So she grabbed her painting material and headed to a rich neighborhood. She rung one doorbell and the guy offered $50 to paint the porch. So he said," $50 to paint my porch." So she did. Some time later she came back." WOW that was fast!" The man said." Yeah I had extra paint so I gave it a second coat," the blond said. The man gave her the money, the blond said," Oh and by the way its not a porche its a Ferrari."

LMAO

 

[JogaBonito1502]

Chuck Norris jokes:

-Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass...at night.
-If you have $5 and Chuck Norris has $5, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

Mature Content
-Chuck Norris's penis is so big that it has a penis of its own and it is still bigger than yours.

-Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

-Chuck Norris doesn't consider it sex if the woman lives

 

[Fanatic4Christ]

so, theres this guy and a girl and they just met they get to talking and the guy asks her "so have you ever had magic sex?" she replied "no, whats that?" lol so he repy's saying "We have sex then you disapear"

LOL

i dont get it....

because its flat and it just looks like acne, the nipples of course....

 

[Trivium Nate]

o ok lol

 

[sanka]

Women's rights.

 

[Dark Night]

Women's rights.

How is that a joke?

 

[superman22x]

lol, they dont have a whole lot of them really. They do, but not quite as good as mens...

 

[Dark Night]

oh lol I got a good blond joke,

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"

The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?"

The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"

The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

"You're finished already?" he asked.

"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."

Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.

"And by the way," the blonde added, "That's not a Porsche, it's a Ferrari."

 

[superman22x]

^^ Are you blonde by any chance?

Cause you just posted that on the page before...

A woman bought a new Lexus LS430, and returned the next day,
complaining that she couldn't figure out how the radio worked.

The salesman explained that the radio was voice activated.

Watch this! he said.."Nelson!" The radio replied, Ricky or Willie?

"Willie!" he continued....and On The Road Again came from the speakers.

The woman drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time
she'd say, "Beethoven!" she'd get beautiful classical music, and if she said, "Beatles!" she'd get one of their awesome songs.

One day, a couple ran a red light and nearly creamed her new car,
but she swerved in time to avoid them. "ASSHOLES!" she yelled.....

The French National Anthem began to play, sung by Jane Fonda and Michael Moore, backed up by John Kerry on guitar, Al Gore on drums and Bill Clinton on sax.

 

[Dark Night]

Oh wrong one my bad lol.