Jokes Thread
- Thread starter Celegorm
- Start date
Brookfield
Golden Master
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Cockerel + hens = eggs, eggs become chicks, [it's called ruling the roost, ha ha!]
CGfreak102
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what do you call a 500lbs wisconsin man stuck in a river???
a DAM, hahaha
yea its true some WI man's raft popped while he was rafting in a river and was stuck, he needed a helicopter to get him out, pretty funny to me
a DAM, hahaha
yea its true some WI man's raft popped while he was rafting in a river and was stuck, he needed a helicopter to get him out, pretty funny to me
blackjack
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This was the latest jokes thread I could find. I came across this and it tickled me.
COMPUTER TERMS
* PCMCIA -People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
* ISDN - It Still Does Nothing
* SCSI - System Can't See It
* DOS - Defective Operating System
* BASIC - Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control
* IBM - I Blame Microsoft
* DEC - Do Expect Cuts
* CD-ROM - Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months
* OS/2 - Obsolete Soon, Too.
* WWW - World Wide Wait
* MACINTOSH - Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs
* PENTIUM - Produces Erroneous Numbers Thru Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics
* COBOL - Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language
* AMIGA - A Merely Insignificant Game Addiction
* LISP - Lots of Infuriating & Silly Parenthesis
* MIPS - Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed
* WINDOWS - Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
* MICROSOFT - Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers
*RISC - Reduced Into Silly Code
And more....
* BIT - A word used to describe computers, as in "Our son's computer cost quite a bit."
* BOOT - What your friends give you because you spend too much time bragging about your computer skills.
* BUG - What your eyes do after you stare at the tiny green computer screen for more than 15 minutes. Also: what computer magazine companies do to you after they get your name on their mailing list.
* CHIPS - The fattening, non-nutritional food computer users eat to avoid having to leave their keyboards for meals.
* COPY - What you have to do during school tests because you spend too much time at the computer and not enough time studying.
* CURSOR - What you turn into when you can't get your computer to perform, as in "You $#% computer!"
* DISK - What goes out in your back after bending over a computer keyboard for seven hours at a clip.
* DUMP - The place all your former hobbies wind up soon after you install your computer.
* ERROR - What you made the first time you walked into a computer showroom to "just look."
* EXPANSION UNIT - The new room you have to build on to your home to house your computer and all its peripherals.
* FILE - What your secretary can now do to her nails six and a half hours a day, now that the computer does her day's work in 30 minutes.
* FLOPPY - The condition of a constant computer user's stomach due to lack of exercise and a steady diet of junk food (see Chips).
* HARDWARE - Tools, such as lawnmowers, rakes and other heavy equipment you haven't laid a finger on since getting your computer.
* IBM - The kind of missile your family members and friends would like to drop on your computer so you'll pay attention to them again.
* MENU - What you'll never see again after buying a computer because you'll be too poor to eat in a restaurant.
* MONITOR - Often thought to be a word associated with computers, this word actually refers to those obnoxious kids who always want to see your hall pass at school.
* PROGRAMS - Those things you used to look at on your television before you hooked your computer up to it.
* RETURN - What lots of people do with their computers after only a week and a half.
* TERMINAL - A place where you can find buses, trains and really good deals on hot computers.
* WINDOW - What you heave the computer out of after you accidentally erase a program that took you three days to set up.
COMPUTER TERMS
* PCMCIA -People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
* ISDN - It Still Does Nothing
* SCSI - System Can't See It
* DOS - Defective Operating System
* BASIC - Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control
* IBM - I Blame Microsoft
* DEC - Do Expect Cuts
* CD-ROM - Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months
* OS/2 - Obsolete Soon, Too.
* WWW - World Wide Wait
* MACINTOSH - Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs
* PENTIUM - Produces Erroneous Numbers Thru Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics
* COBOL - Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language
* AMIGA - A Merely Insignificant Game Addiction
* LISP - Lots of Infuriating & Silly Parenthesis
* MIPS - Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed
* WINDOWS - Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
* MICROSOFT - Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers
*RISC - Reduced Into Silly Code
And more....
* BIT - A word used to describe computers, as in "Our son's computer cost quite a bit."
* BOOT - What your friends give you because you spend too much time bragging about your computer skills.
* BUG - What your eyes do after you stare at the tiny green computer screen for more than 15 minutes. Also: what computer magazine companies do to you after they get your name on their mailing list.
* CHIPS - The fattening, non-nutritional food computer users eat to avoid having to leave their keyboards for meals.
* COPY - What you have to do during school tests because you spend too much time at the computer and not enough time studying.
* CURSOR - What you turn into when you can't get your computer to perform, as in "You $#% computer!"
* DISK - What goes out in your back after bending over a computer keyboard for seven hours at a clip.
* DUMP - The place all your former hobbies wind up soon after you install your computer.
* ERROR - What you made the first time you walked into a computer showroom to "just look."
* EXPANSION UNIT - The new room you have to build on to your home to house your computer and all its peripherals.
* FILE - What your secretary can now do to her nails six and a half hours a day, now that the computer does her day's work in 30 minutes.
* FLOPPY - The condition of a constant computer user's stomach due to lack of exercise and a steady diet of junk food (see Chips).
* HARDWARE - Tools, such as lawnmowers, rakes and other heavy equipment you haven't laid a finger on since getting your computer.
* IBM - The kind of missile your family members and friends would like to drop on your computer so you'll pay attention to them again.
* MENU - What you'll never see again after buying a computer because you'll be too poor to eat in a restaurant.
* MONITOR - Often thought to be a word associated with computers, this word actually refers to those obnoxious kids who always want to see your hall pass at school.
* PROGRAMS - Those things you used to look at on your television before you hooked your computer up to it.
* RETURN - What lots of people do with their computers after only a week and a half.
* TERMINAL - A place where you can find buses, trains and really good deals on hot computers.
* WINDOW - What you heave the computer out of after you accidentally erase a program that took you three days to set up.
GlasseyeUK
Daemon Poster
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What Every man needs!!!!
Jakey Blood
In Runtime
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i got one:
ok so this man and his wife were looking for her birthday present, and she wanted a really fast car, so they went to different car dealers and tried out a porsche, and decided it was two slow, so next they tried a ferrari and decided it was too slow, so they went to a different dealer and tried out a lambourgini, and still decided it was too slow,so the wife gave up and just ask for something that went from 0 to 200 in a couple of second, so for her birthday he got her a scale
dont know if thats funny but its ok
ok so this man and his wife were looking for her birthday present, and she wanted a really fast car, so they went to different car dealers and tried out a porsche, and decided it was two slow, so next they tried a ferrari and decided it was too slow, so they went to a different dealer and tried out a lambourgini, and still decided it was too slow,so the wife gave up and just ask for something that went from 0 to 200 in a couple of second, so for her birthday he got her a scale
dont know if thats funny but its ok
cavemangrinder
Fully Optimized
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- USA
i got one:
ok so this man and his wife were looking for her birthday present, and she wanted a really fast car, so they went to different car dealers and tried out a porsche, and decided it was two slow, so next they tried a ferrari and decided it was too slow, so they went to a different dealer and tried out a lambourgini, and still decided it was too slow,so the wife gave up and just ask for something that went from 0 to 200 in a couple of second, so for her birthday he got her a scale
dont know if thats funny but its ok
LOL. Good one.
CompMan
Fully Optimized
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What Every man needs!!!!
lmfao! Thats great!!
hascet
Fully Optimized
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Men Are Just Happier People
Why men are always happy:
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can never be pregnant.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another petrol station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks and engines.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original colour.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
Why men are always happy:
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can never be pregnant.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another petrol station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks and engines.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original colour.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
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