A Few Golf Jokes
A gushy reporter told Phil Michelson, "You are spectacular, your name is synonymous with the game of golf. You really know your way around the
course. What's your secret?"
Michelson replied, "The holes are numbered"
A young man and a priest are playing together. At a short par-3 the priest asks, "What are you going to use on this hole my son?"
The young man says, "An 8-iron, father. How about you?"
The priest says, "I'm going to hit a soft seven and pray."
The young man hits his 8-iron and puts the ball on the green.
The priest tops his 7-iron and dribbles the ball out a few yards.
The young man says, "I don't know about you father, but in my church when we pray, we keep our head down."
Police are called to an apartment and find a woman holding a bloody 5-iron standing over a lifeless man.
The detective! asks, "Ma'am, is that your husband?"
"Yes" says the woman.
"Did you hit him with that golf club?"
"Yes, yes, I did." The woman begins to sob, drops the club, and puts her, hands on her face.
"How many times did you hit him?"
"I don't know, five, six, maybe seven times.....just put me down for a five."
A golfer teed up his ball on the first tee, took a mighty swing and hit his ball into a clump of trees.
He found his ball and saw an opening between two trees he thought he could hit through.
Taking out his 3-wood, he took another mighty swing; the ball hit a tree, bounced back, hit him in the forehead and killed him.
As he approached the gates of Heaven, St. Peter saw him coming and asked,
"Are you a good golfer," to which the man replied:
"Got here in two, didn't I?"
The bride came down the aisle and when she reached the altar, the groom was standing there with his golf bag and clubs at his side.
She said": What are your golf clubs doing here"?
He looked her right in the eye and said, "This isn't going to take all day, is it?"
Stevie Wonder and Tiger Woods are in a bar. Tiger turns to Stevie and says, "How's the singing career going?"
Stevie replies, "Not too bad... How's the golf?"
Woods replies, "Not too bad, I've had some problems with my swing, but I think I've got that right now".
Stevie says, "I always find that when my swing goes wrong, I need to stop playing for a while and not think about it.Then, the next time I play, it seems to be all right."
Tiger says, "You play golf?"
Stevie says, "Yes, I've been playing for years".
Tiger says, "But, you're blind. How can you play golf if you can't see?"
Stevie Wonder replies, "I get my caddy to stand in the middle of the fairway and call to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball towards him. Then,
when I get to where the ball lands, the caddy moves to the green or farther down the fairway and again I play the ball towards his voice."
"But, how do you putt?" asks Tiger.
"Well", says Stevie, "I get my caddy to lean down in front of the hole and call to me with his head on the ground and I just play the ball towards his voice."
Tiger asks, "What's your handicap?"
Stevie says, "Well, I'm a scratch golfer."
Woods, incredulous, says to Stevie, "We've got to play a round sometime."
Wonder replies, "Well, people don't take me seriously, so I only play for money, and never play for less than $10,000 a hole".
Woods thinks about it and says, "OK, I'm game for that, - when would you like to play?"
