Jokes Thread
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Re: Med school
OMFG!!!! That's soooo gross but god dang thats hilarious! lesson learned!
Raffaz said:First-year students at Med School were receiving their first Anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.
The professor started the class by telling them: "In medicine, it Is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor. The first is That you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body."
For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger up the arse of the corpse, withdrew it and then stuck his finger in his mouth." Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger up the arse of the dead body and sucking on it.
When everyone had finished, the Professor looked at them and said, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my Middle finger and sucked on my Index finger. Now learn to pay attention."
OMFG!!!! That's soooo gross but god dang thats hilarious! lesson learned!
GlasseyeUK
Daemon Poster
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The Eternal Optimist
Three friends had a good friend named Joe and he was, naturally, an eternal optimist. At every bad situation he would always say ''It could have been worse.'' His friends hated that quality about him, so they came up with a story so horrible that not even Joe could come up with a bright side.
So the next day, only two of his friends showed up for a golf date.
Joe asked, ''Where's Gary?''
And one of his friends said, ''Didn't you hear? Yesterday, Gary found his wife in bed with another man, shot them both, and then turned the gun on himself.''
Joe says,''Well it could have been worse.''
Both his friends said, ''How in hell could it be worse? Your best friend just killed himself!''
Joe says, ''If it had happened two days ago, I'd be dead now!''
Three friends had a good friend named Joe and he was, naturally, an eternal optimist. At every bad situation he would always say ''It could have been worse.'' His friends hated that quality about him, so they came up with a story so horrible that not even Joe could come up with a bright side.
So the next day, only two of his friends showed up for a golf date.
Joe asked, ''Where's Gary?''
And one of his friends said, ''Didn't you hear? Yesterday, Gary found his wife in bed with another man, shot them both, and then turned the gun on himself.''
Joe says,''Well it could have been worse.''
Both his friends said, ''How in hell could it be worse? Your best friend just killed himself!''
Joe says, ''If it had happened two days ago, I'd be dead now!''
freestyler105
Golden Master
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- 7,883
The guy slept with Gary's wife, haha.
Raffaz
Golden Master
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- 6,798
Understanding Engineers - Take One
Two engineering students were walking across a university
campus when one said,
"Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along
yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode
up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her
clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice;
the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."
Understanding Engineers - Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Understanding Engineers - Take Three
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning
for a particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with those blokes? We must have
been waiting
for fifteen minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such
inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a
word with him."
He said, "Hello, George! what's wrong with that group ahead of
us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind
fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from
a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group fell silent for a moment.
The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special
prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my
ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do
for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
Understanding Engineers - Take Four
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil
engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build
targets.
Understanding Engineers - Take Five
The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it
work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it
cost?"
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with
that?"
Understanding Engineers - Take Six
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing
the possible designers of the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the
joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous
system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil
engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a
recreational area ?"
Understanding Engineers - Take Seven
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have
enough features yet.
Understanding Engineers - Take Eight
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out
to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful
princess."
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me
back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one
week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and
returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into
a Princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you
want."
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it
back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm
a beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for one week
and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time
for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."
Two engineering students were walking across a university
campus when one said,
"Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along
yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode
up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her
clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice;
the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."
Understanding Engineers - Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Understanding Engineers - Take Three
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning
for a particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with those blokes? We must have
been waiting
for fifteen minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such
inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a
word with him."
He said, "Hello, George! what's wrong with that group ahead of
us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind
fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from
a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group fell silent for a moment.
The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special
prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my
ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do
for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
Understanding Engineers - Take Four
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil
engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build
targets.
Understanding Engineers - Take Five
The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it
work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it
cost?"
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with
that?"
Understanding Engineers - Take Six
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing
the possible designers of the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the
joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous
system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil
engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a
recreational area ?"
Understanding Engineers - Take Seven
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have
enough features yet.
Understanding Engineers - Take Eight
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out
to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful
princess."
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me
back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one
week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and
returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into
a Princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you
want."
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it
back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm
a beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for one week
and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time
for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."
Spartan109
Fully Optimized
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- 2,103
- Location
- Canada
Steff said:
hey!! postd that b4!!when imade a joke hread
spywarebanisher
Fully Optimized
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- 2,135
the take 1 for egineer was the funniest. heres one for u all:
one night, a man walked into a bar. the bartender was a robot. the bartender asked" wat would u like?"
man said"a beer"
bartender gives him his beer and asks"wats ur IQ?"
man answers,"about 150"
bartender(remember,its a robot) starts to talk to him about string theory and global warming and computerforums. the man is very impressed and walks out of the bar.
he walks back in about 5 secs. the bartender asks"wats ur IQ?"
man says"...umm...100 i think."
bartender talks about boobs and a porn forum and sports.
man smiles and walks out, coming back in soon.
bartender asks,"wats ur IQ?"
man replies,"50."
bartender:"...so......u gonna vote for Bush again?"
btr be laughin. i was.
one night, a man walked into a bar. the bartender was a robot. the bartender asked" wat would u like?"
man said"a beer"
bartender gives him his beer and asks"wats ur IQ?"
man answers,"about 150"
bartender(remember,its a robot) starts to talk to him about string theory and global warming and computerforums. the man is very impressed and walks out of the bar.
he walks back in about 5 secs. the bartender asks"wats ur IQ?"
man says"...umm...100 i think."
bartender talks about boobs and a porn forum and sports.
man smiles and walks out, coming back in soon.
bartender asks,"wats ur IQ?"
man replies,"50."
bartender:"...so......u gonna vote for Bush again?"
btr be laughin. i was.
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