Why Men Shouldn't Go Shopping

[Raffaz]

Anyone who does this is vastly immature. I work in retail, and honestly, Men are better shoppers then Women.

Women cause A LOT more messes, very dirty about things, steal far more merchandise then men do, men ask less question, and they give you much less of a hard time at the register then a women does.

Women like to shop, so they do. But they suck at it. Men hate to shop. But they can do it.

Women are over-rated when shopping. They charge more then they should spend, they cause more messes, and very filthy in dressing rooms, and usually do not take care of their merchandise very well when selecting.

Point is, women suck at shopping, yet they love to do it, so we let them do it.

*NOTE* Not a bash on women, it's just truth be told with my work experience in retail.

Its a joke lol

 

[~NeonFire372~]

Its a joke lol

Yeah, hence the disclaimer at top.

 

[Jenox]

yeah I know it's a joke, I actually laughed too. But, in the real world, meh, who knows.

 

[freestyler105]

Lmao, here's some more I've heard, a few of the same ones though:

As the cashier runs your purchase over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow, magic!"

Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.

Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift-wrap.

Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.

Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from Mission Impossible.

Drag a lounge chair over to the magazines and relax.

Go to the food court, buy a drink, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "I'm Batman. Come Robin, to the Batcave."

Follow people through the aisles, staying about 5 feet behind them. Do this until they leave the store.

Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.

Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait a while and then yell loudly "There's no toilet paper in here!"

Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME! PICK ME!"

Hold indoor shopping cart races.

In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

Leave Cheerios in lawn and garden, pillows in the pet section, etc.

Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror and pick your nose.

Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms.

Make up nonsense products and ask employees if there are any in stock. (i.e.: Shnerples)

Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.

Pay off layaways 50 cents at a time.

Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.

Play with the automatic doors.

Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down.

Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.

"Re-alphabetize" the CD's.

Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.

Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.

Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you are taking it for a test drive.

Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.

Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies."

Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten-minute intervals throughout the day.

Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.

Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they bring pillows from the bed department.

Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to join.

Take bets on the battle from above.

Take off your shoes and tell them you want to return it and when they say you didn't buy it there say, "Hm... I thought the customer was always right!"

Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.

Take up an entire aisle in toys by setting up a full-scale battle with G.I. Joe vs. X-men.

Test the brushes and combs in cosmetics.

Test the fishing rods and see what you can catch from other aisles.

TP as much of the store as possible before they stop you.

Try to hold up customers with the toy guns. See how much you can make.

Tune all the radios to polka stations; then turn them off and turn the volume up to full blast.

Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in Housewares and see what happens.

Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi. I haven't seen you in so long." etc. See if they play along.

When 2 or 3 people are walking ahead of you, run between them yelling "Red Rover."

When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!"

When someone steps away from his or her cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.

When there are people behind you, walk really slowly, especially in thin aisles.

While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.

While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who buys this crap anyway?!"

 

[PCNoob2]

lol, thats hilarious. I wonder what "Code 3" is

 

[Jenox]

lol, thats hilarious. I wonder what "Code 3" is

At our store we have Code "yellow" "red" "green" and "blue"

Yellow = Missing Child
Green = Harsh Weather (E.G Tornado/Hurricane) keep everyone inside
Red = Armed Robber/Serious fights, basically very harmful things to everyone in the store
Blue = Not to sure...It wasn't important I know that much.

At our store we also have lines, one pertaining to Loss Prevention, or a.k.a LP. We dial 1-5 for them, they call the cops, and follow the shoplifters around the store.

It's pretty cool when we find shoplifter's, because LP calls the cops and usually they arest them and what not. It's pretty cool to see actually.

 

[freestyler105]

At our store we have Code "yellow" "red" "green" and "blue"

Yellow = Missing Child
Green = Harsh Weather (E.G Tornado/Hurricane) keep everyone inside
Red = Armed Robber/Serious fights, basically very harmful things to everyone in the store
Blue = Not to sure...It wasn't important I know that much.

At our store we also have lines, one pertaining to Loss Prevention, or a.k.a LP. We dial 1-5 for them, they call the cops, and follow the shoplifters around the store.

It's pretty cool when we find shoplifter's, because LP calls the cops and usually they arest them and what not. It's pretty cool to see actually.

Is it true that once you're out of the store, the store workers can't legally apprehend you, only the police can? I read that somewhere, and I always wondered about it.

 

[Jenox]

Is it true that once you're out of the store, the store workers can't legally apprehend you, only the police can? I read that somewhere, and I always wondered about it.

It's true, once off the compound, which is basically that little sidewalk infront of the doors, then the actual building, you're home free. However, employees can leave the building, walk to the parking lot, and obtain your license number, phone the police, and they'll get you. So in an indirect sort of way it's true, but it's not at the same time.

But if you're in the store, oh please believe all bets are off, if you're in here, LP can get you with out any question. And we have some of the sickest security within the metro area, we seldom miss getting people who steal.

 

[freestyler105]

It's true, once off the compound, which is basically that little sidewalk infront of the doors, then the actual building, you're home free. However, employees can leave the building, walk to the parking lot, and obtain your license number, phone the police, and they'll get you. So in an indirect sort of way it's true, but it's not at the same time.

But if you're in the store, oh please believe all bets are off, if you're in here, LP can get you with out any question. And we have some of the sickest security within the metro area, we seldom miss getting people who steal.

Sounds pretty cool, lol. I've never actually stolen anything from a department store, come to think of it. Well, except when you go to the candy section and just eat it right there in the store, lol.

 

[Jenox]

Sounds pretty cool, lol. I've never actually stolen anything from a department store, come to think of it. Well, except when you go to the candy section and just eat it right there in the store, lol.

LOL! I do that at WinCo all the time. i ate like three chocolate donuts while shopping.