Ponderisms......

[Brookfield]

Got this email today and it made me laugh, just thought I'd share.


PONDERISMS



I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

Good point


Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

This is actually true, most weeds are deep-rooted

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

Yep

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

Very true

There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

Ditto

Life is sexually transmitted.

Very droll

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

True

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Ditto



Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

And wasting valuable bed-space



Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

Yeah, very odd

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again

Ho ho!

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

Ditto

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

Witty



How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
A good point




Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

Mmmm, I wonder?

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."

He hee

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Wow, never thought aboout that!


If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

It's "I don't care", so somebody might, & it's "gimee" [give me] cracked

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

The same?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Isn't there a special soup for them, that can only make simple words?[


Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Yes

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Erm, dunno!

Annotations by Brookfield

 

[Tommy Boy]

Erm, dunno!

Annotations by Brookfield

Nice!

 

[root]

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

cause there isn't enough air in the bottle for it to dry properly...

if you have apractically empty bottle of glue, or if you leave it open so that the moisture or chemical vapour in the glue can escape from the bottle then the curing process happens in the bottle and the glue goes stick to the bottle, and the glue sticks to the glue as well.

if you leave a bottle of PVA glue open for ages, it just forms a solid lump of dried glue.

 

[~mr mixx~]

don't you just love how things / sayings were so easily slipped into our way of life...

the best one i think was universal in all cultures, is when something bad happens, the 1st words out of your mouth are...(shit !!)

little things we take for granted,like having instructions on shampoo or floss. and how is it that when someone trips down the stairs, ther's a name for that, but if you trip up the stairs....no one has a name for that.

it seems that everything is now abbreviated or shortened , take KFC for instance.. and so on.

 

[mammikoura]

- Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that
something new to eat will have materialized?

lmao, that is so true. During a movie or something I might go to the fridge like 5 times, only to figure out that there isn't anything good to eat atm. But if I find out why I'm doing it them I'll let u know!

 

[Trivium Nate]

Fuuny i like those

 

[David Lindon]

Hhaha, some great stuff there