Funny Gender Jokes - New Elements
Elements: Two new chemical elements have recently been discovered. Here for the first time is a description of their properties.
Element Name: WOMAN
==================
Symbol: WO
Atomic Weight: (don't even go there!)
Physical Properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if not used well.
Chemical properties:
Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity to gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Violent when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a better specimen.
Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.
Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.
Element Name: MAN
================
Symbol: XY
Atomic Weight: (180 +/-50)
Physical properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young samples.
Chemical properties:
Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with Kd (Element: Child) for prolonged period of time. Neutralize by saturating with alcohol.
Usage: None known.
Possibly good methane source. Good samples are able to produce large quantities on command.
* Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell
Funny Gender Jokes - Wife 1.0
TO TECHNICAL SUPPORT:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.
In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs & launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Drunken Boys Night 2.5 and Saturday Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected.
I can not seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run some of my other favorite applications. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but un-install does not work on this Wife 1.0.
Can you help me, please!!! Otherwise, I'm screwed.
Thanks, Joe.
REPLY:
DEAR JOE SCREWED
This is a very common problem men complain about but is mostly due to a primary
misconception. Many people upgrade form Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a "UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT" program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained.
It is impossible to un-install, delete, or purge the program files from the system, once installed. You can not go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0, but end up with more
problems than the original system.
Look in you manual under "Warnings-Alimony / Child Support". I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation. Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPF's).
You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur, regardless of their cause. The best course of action will be to enter the command: C: \APOLOGIZE. In any case, avoid excessive use of the "Esc" key because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the operating system will return to normal.
The system will run smooth as long as you take the blame for all the GPF's. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high maintenance. Consider buying additional software to improve the performance to Wife 1.0. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Chocolates 5.0. Do not, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
Best of luck.
Tech Support.
Elements: Two new chemical elements have recently been discovered. Here for the first time is a description of their properties.
Element Name: WOMAN
==================
Symbol: WO
Atomic Weight: (don't even go there!)
Physical Properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if not used well.
Chemical properties:
Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity to gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Violent when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a better specimen.
Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.
Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.
Element Name: MAN
================
Symbol: XY
Atomic Weight: (180 +/-50)
Physical properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young samples.
Chemical properties:
Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with Kd (Element: Child) for prolonged period of time. Neutralize by saturating with alcohol.
Usage: None known.
Possibly good methane source. Good samples are able to produce large quantities on command.
* Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell
Funny Gender Jokes - Wife 1.0
TO TECHNICAL SUPPORT:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.
In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs & launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Drunken Boys Night 2.5 and Saturday Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected.
I can not seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run some of my other favorite applications. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but un-install does not work on this Wife 1.0.
Can you help me, please!!! Otherwise, I'm screwed.
Thanks, Joe.
REPLY:
DEAR JOE SCREWED
This is a very common problem men complain about but is mostly due to a primary
misconception. Many people upgrade form Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a "UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT" program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained.
It is impossible to un-install, delete, or purge the program files from the system, once installed. You can not go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0, but end up with more
problems than the original system.
Look in you manual under "Warnings-Alimony / Child Support". I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation. Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPF's).
You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur, regardless of their cause. The best course of action will be to enter the command: C: \APOLOGIZE. In any case, avoid excessive use of the "Esc" key because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the operating system will return to normal.
The system will run smooth as long as you take the blame for all the GPF's. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high maintenance. Consider buying additional software to improve the performance to Wife 1.0. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Chocolates 5.0. Do not, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
Best of luck.
Tech Support.
