Heard these...EliteGamer said:
Once upon a time in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat, contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.
The frog hopped into the princess lap and said: "Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I am, and then my sweet, we can marry and setup housekeeping in yon castle with my mother. Where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and for ever feel grateful and happy doing so."
That night ... as the princess dined sumptuously on a repast of lightly sauteed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and shallot cream sauce.
An employee from Intel, IBM and Sun go to the bathroom for a leak. When they finish they all go to wash their hands.
The guy from Intel washes his hands, goes to a roll of paper towels, pulls out every last sheet and dries his hands thoroughly with them. He says to the others 'At Intel, we are very thorough.'
The guy from IBM washes his hands, goes to another roll and rips off a single sheet and carefully and methodically dries every inch of his hands and says 'At IBM, we are very thorough and very efficient.'
The guy from Sun watches them, then turns to walk out with them. 'At Sun, we don't piss on our hands.'
Two nuns are driving at night in the swamp. A vampire flys out of the swamp and lands on the hood of their car. The nun who's driving says to the other nun, "Quick! Sister! Show him your cross!" The second nun leans out of the window, grabs the vampire and screams,
"Get the hell off my car!"
