Rotflmao

[mark thorpe]

Rotfl

saw this on one of the other fourums that i post on... thought you guys would like it



Two Old Ladies

Two old ladies were outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.

Lady 1: What's that?

Lady 2: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.

Lady 1: Where did you get it?

Lady 2: You can get them at any drugstore.

The next day, Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.

The guy, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand she prefers.

"Doesn't matter son, as long as it fits a Camel."

The pharmacist fainted.

 

[UK31337]

Re: Rotfl

saw this on one of the other fourums that i post on... thought you guys would like it



Two Old Ladies

Two old ladies were outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.

Lady 1: What's that?

Lady 2: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.

Lady 1: Where did you get it?

Lady 2: You can get them at any drugstore.

The next day, Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.

The guy, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand she prefers.

"Doesn't matter son, as long as it fits a Camel."

The pharmacist fainted.

That joke is as old as the ladies themselves, unfortunately.

 

[mark thorpe]

oh well... ive only just heard it... so i thought id post it...

 

[David Lindon]

Very funny. First time I've heard it too.

 

[mighty_chick]

first time i heard it to..pretty good

 

[alvino]

Haha, that's pretty nasty if you think about it...otherwise, it's pretty funny

 

[mark thorpe]

and another one...



A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

 

[mark thorpe]

18 months ago, I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from Drinking Mates 4.2, which I had used for years without any trouble. However, there are apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off.

To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatible with several other applications, such as Lads Night Out3.1, Football 4.5, and Playboy 6.9. Successive versions of Girlfriend proved no better. A shareware program, Party Girl 2.1, which I tried, had many bugs and left a virus in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks. Eventually, I tried to run Girlfriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the same time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other, they caused severe damage to my hardware.

I then upgraded to Fiancée 1.0, only to discover that this product soon had to be upgraded further to Wife 1.0. While Wife 1.0 tends to use up all my available resources, it does come bundled with Free Sex Plus and Cleanhouse2002. Shortly after this upgrade, however, I found that Wife 1.0 could be very unstable and costly to run. Any mistakes I made were automatically stored in Wife 1.0's memory and could not be deleted. They then resurfaced months later when I had forgotten about them. Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary, Explorer and E-mail Filter, and can, without warning, Launch Turbo Strop and Whinge.

These latter products have no Help files, and I have to try to guess what the problem is. Additional problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly, requiring Shoe Shop Browser for new attachments and Hairstyle Express which needs to be reinstalled every other week. Wife 1.0 also spawns unwelcome child processes that drain my resources.

These conflict with some of the new games I wanted to try out, warning me that they are an illegal operation. Also, when Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my Audi TT hard drive, it often crashes. Wife 1.0 also comes with a rather annoying pop-up called Mother-In-Law, which can't be turned off.

Recently I've been tempted to install Mistress 2003, but there could be problems. A friend of mine has alerted me to the fact that if Wife 1.0 detects Mistress 2003, it tends to delete all of your Money files before uninstalling itself.

 

[mighty_chick]

lol it would be good but, got kinda annoying sounding like a computer and such

 

[alvino]

Haha, how techy, while retaining a horny sense